Gobble

This is it. It is officially turkey day.

I am having a rough go of it. Can't figure out if it is because I am not in AZ with my extended family and most importantly, my mom, but it has taken me a little bit to get in the spirit.

So I am thankful for Q enduring his mothers craziness and E for being hope

10,000 and counting!

I am so excited about getting 10,000 reads. That is exciting.

Good friends and amends

all in a days work.

Today was a big day for a couple reasons. I woke up early and it's a SUNDAY!! shocker. I'm such a lazy slack ass usually but I do feel like I have less time for that, which is good. Who has time to waste?

Pancake was the last one up, "Chu-chie" "Chu-cho", Quattro and now "Taco/Tonto", he slept in and came out all sleepy eyed and snuggly, I love that.

We walked down into Ballard and had brunch at Hattie's Hat. The scene of Eddie's upcoming photo shoot, directed by Moi! I'm stoked, it's going to be so much fun, I love to boss him around and I just like seeing pictures of him be made, he is very much a cartoon character.

Elvis charmed even the most hungover crowd today at breakfast, these three good looking guys were sitting in the booth behind us and just loved her. It's not the first time but I definitely looked at her and was like "Wow" that baby is beautiful! She has the most fantastic face, with great expression, she looks just like Gloria, she's lucky because my grandmother is gorgeous. She is a total knock out.

After we left (pulling Elvis away from her fans) we walked around, bought some beets, Quattro's favorite, and leeks, my fav, we ended up at this new kitchen store right on Ballard Ave. It was pretty cool at first, I guess they have classes or something, but tons of kitchen supply too. I threw out my metal sieve last week so I was thinking, perfect! I'll get a new one BEFORE I need it, then I looked at the price, it was like $30! So I started to look around at the price of everything, and this is the same stuff you can get elsewhere, ie the kitchen store down the street that's been there for years... but for half the price. I was feeling that weight that feeling when you know your neighborhood has gone "there", but it's fine, I went "there" once too, I came back though.

I spent the evening making a delicious meal and texting with my BFF and my cousin who just had surgery on his foot. It was nice to get connected with both of them. It's hard to stay connected these days, we are so busy and by "we" I mean everyone! I am usually the one that tries not to be busy, I try to just keep things real laid back but with the start of business, art work, things with the record, there are a lot of things going on and that doesn't include the "me" things, things that go on with me no matter what is happening in business. I'm enjoying it though. On top of it all we are redoing  a few rooms in the house, I want them done before Eddie leaves for 7 weeks in January.... wishful thinking maybe but I might as well give it a shot.

It's cold outside

and I am definitely okay with that.

Growing up in AZ I was sort of programmed to hate the cold. Everything was "oh, that's too cold, ick" and the thing is/was, I hated the heat. Always have. The sunburns, the hot concrete (I was forever shoeless) hot cars, hot bedrooms... the list goes on. So when the seasons change here and the warm summer goes away and the fall crisp air blows in, I can appreciate the cold-  I love summer (here) and I know it will always come back.

It's late here too and I am not tired. I took a half of Ambien and I'm waiting for it to kick in and also for Eddie. He flew home last night from the midwest and now he is in Tacoma for a show, I am sure he is still playing... ugh.

Tonight when Quattro and I got back from the movies we all went out for a walk in Ballard. It was cold and a little rainy but it was the best time. With Eddie gone a lot and it's about to be a lot more, it was nice to scrap any evening plans we had and just go for a stroll. We ended up at the market and the fabric store- I just LOVE being in a neighborhood where I can walk to nearly anything. We can eat, have coffee, shop, library, book stores, cupcakes, parks, movies... pretty much anything- we even walked by a couple new places. I saw a wine bar that I had never seen, although I would rather have wine at home. 

I had planned to put both kids to bed early (we were all up really late last night getting Eddie from the airport) but Q and I stayed up and made a stuffed friend. He called him "Ricky Ragdoll" and he is quite cute. He and a friend drew what they wanted their stuffies to look like and they have been hanging on the bulletin board for a couple weeks now. I have so may projects going on, I just never had time and tonight I let him stay up and up he did stay, it was 12:10 when he went to bed! It was worth it though. He learned how to pin and cut. He even sewed a button (for an eye) and learned to use the sewing machine. I love that he is such a creative crafter... but tomorrow, I will be cleaning this office up because we sure did trash it. Just from sitting here I can see about 12 different kinds of fabric he looked at when choosing his. 

So good night people.

I am a Mom.

I have spent the last 4 days with sick kids. Why is it that whenever Eddie leaves something goes awry? I don't know, but you would think after 11 years (yep, 11 years) I'd be getting use to that buuuut, I'm not.

Anyway I have been conflicted, yet again, about the blogging world. Seems like I have nothing to say but I have realized that is not the case. Two things come to mind when I think about getting on here, one is that I think I have nothing to talk about worth interest to anyone and b. I think "this shit is TOO personal!"- that's how life has been treating me lately. It's all either too boring or too private. But I think I am missing the important things, in more ways than one. I think I tend to get so caught up in the madness of something or the dullness, that I overlook the goodness. Like on Friday, I made "Gloria's Special" with Quattro. I had a rough day, Eddie left and Elvis was up all night, it was just not a good day. So that night I decided to flood myself with feel good things, something else I forget to do, and so we made my Grandma's recipe and it was magic. We cooked, we laughed, we learned. I learned that there are some kids at school talking about how they looked at something called "california girls" online and they were talking about how inappropriate it all was. Q asked me what I thought it was and I told him it was  a music video or naked ladies- he was shocked but not in the way you might think, he said "what's the big deal about naked ladies?"... then I had to wonder myself. What's the big deal?

First of all, we do not have a "naked house". I sort of grew up in one, sort of but a friend of mine totally had one and it was a big thumbs down. I do not mind if my kids see me naked, I am proud of my body and I don't reach for the door or towel in horror if Quattro comes walking in the bathroom when I am getting out of the shower. I don't stand around blow drying my hair naked (well not always) while he's in there and I have definitely come down stairs in my underwear to get coffee or grab my jeans out of the dryer- you get the point. I am not a super prude, I am proud of my body, I like it and I want him to like his (and his wife's after she has a baby or two) so I try to be aware of that.... okay, I just lost my thought.

Oh, "california girls" right...

so I told him that kids will start trolling the internet for things they know they shouldn't be looking at. He knows that when you grow up you have a different relationship with your love interest, I don't think he puts too much thought into it though. He and I have a pretty open relationship. He is very much in his own little bubble, he isn't like a lot of 4th graders, he does not want to grow up. He is Willy Wonka. Seriously, he is.

He took no interest in the said girls on the internet, we then talked about how he is in a tricky spot, he is of the age that kids might be saying "hey, check this out" and it could be porn, or worse... but really, for a 9 year old, what's worse than porn? I don't have any problems with porn, it has it's place but I can't imagine it would be good for a 9 year old to see it. I told him there are things in life that when you see them, you can't "un-see" them. We talk about this a lot really, the "un-see" and the "undo" button do not exist. I figure the sooner he knows this and believes it the better. I wish someone would have told me about this, there are a whole list of things I wish I could undo and un-see but I can't.

I don't know. Maybe I am delusional, maybe I am trying to keep him from things for selfish reasons, maybe I am prolonging the inevitable but I am okay with that. Because I know he will grow up, that's the goal- I am just trying to raise a decent kid in a world where it is nearly impossible. I'll keep trying because that is my job.

Speaking of jobs. On a side note and something I have touched on before.

Why is it that if you are a stay at home Mom or Dad you get no credit for having to work but if you are a daycare worker, you have a job? or a nanny, or a school teacher or even a babysitter?

I was talking to my Mom about carpal tunnel, she had it and I have it and she said "well, I had to go to work with it" and I said "ya, me too" and she said something like her having to go to a "job"... it pissed me off. Same as when she said she wishes she had "all this time" to craft and do fun things but she doesn't because she has to work. I love her but I wish she would give me some god damn credit. I could get a job and pay for someone else to raise my kids, sure, I could. I don't have a problem with either but I would like people, well not all people, but the ones who interact with me to know that I. have. a. job. It's called raising my kids. I'm also a travel agent to my husband, a project manager, art director and a room parent at school. I am the co-advisor for the student council, I am the (fabulous) chef. I am the caterer, I am the housekeeper. I am the dog walker, I am the maintenance man. I am the organizer of life for four. I am the food shopper, the clothes shopper and the hair stylist and wardrobe consultant. I am the cover model, back-up singer and a songwriter. I am a bag designer, the forever crafter. I am the photographer and driver. I am the baby book keeper, the vacation blogger, the saver of everything that my kids will want to look at, keep or maybe even throw away. I am the manicurist, the tax preparer, I am the painter and cat claw trimmer. I am the gardener, the party planner and a few other things I can't think of because I am the breast feeding forgetful at times, Mom. I am a Mom and a god damn good one.

3 days till Halloween...

and I've already eaten too much candy.

I filled 24 goody bags last night. Mini painted pumpkins (thank you Jenn and Pumpkin Patch Pals) pencil, eraser, rings, chocolate, gummy eyeballs, bouncy ball and silly bands. They look awesome. I made the best gross out box too. I looked online and there was nothing that wasn't typical and if there's one thing that I know about 4th graders- they are tired of the same ol

 same ol'... so I started looking around the kitchen, feeling stuff with my eyes closed.

I came up with the "dirty litter box" which is bulgar (or rice, cracked wheat or even oatmeal) and then I took some white rabbit candies (you could use tootsie rolls) and I heated them in the microwave for like 5-10 seconds (watch them, they melt quick and it turns into magma) then kinda roll them out, or pull them so they get long and lumps... yuck.

The second one is the cockaroachs. I used whole dates (Quattro assembled these) and then we cut pipe cleaner and stuck two ( 1.5 inch) under the "belly" of the date.

The last is "zombie guts" I am scooping out the insides of a pumkin.

So yeah, good stuff. Pictures to come soon, I am having problems. I will now be asking Santa for the new Mac air for Xmas.

The best carnitas

2 T cumin

2 T oregano

1 T salt

2 t chipotle

1/2 chopped onion

4 cloves, smashed garlic

3 T olive oil

4 # pork shoulder, tied.

1 1/2 cp of water

Mix all spices together (first four ingredients)

Put oil in a hot pan (but not smoking)

Sprinkle all the spice mixture on the roast. Covering all sides.

Brown all side of pork, until crispy brown- not burnt and not "kinda" brown.

In a crockpot set on high, put in onion, garlic and then roast with all juice from the pan.

Add enough water to cover almost half of the roast. Lid on, leave it alone. About 5 hours in (or when you come home from work) flip the roast (not necessary if you forget, can't, whatever).

Roast is done when it falls apart with a fork.

Enjoy and your welcome.

Kick 'em while he's down.

I have been thinking a lot about standing by people, you know, through thick and thin.

I have a hard time with this, I think I was raised in a way that when things were good, they were great and then when they weren't, big changes happened. No rallying together, no working through the hard stuff... no rising to the top. I did not have a life full of cream. I was the whey-runny, fragile and only good enough when mixed with other stuff.

I'm trying to be different.

Like everyone, every person who has ever loved, ever had a family of their own, I am trying to show my kids different... and myself I guess.

That's all.

Need some good news here, people!

I am so tired of bad news. Nothing in particular but I have been getting my share of the shit.

I would like to put the word out. I am looking for some smooth sailing weeks ahead. I have a whole lot on my plate and I plan to do it all with a smile on my face but may the powers that be send only good vibes my way? Please and thank you.

I'm part Indian and butternut squash soup.

At least I think I am... anyway here it is.

Roast a butternut squash.

375 for about 25-30 minutes. Just halve it and add a little olive oil, sea salt and 1/4 t. cumin to the cut side, roast cut side down until you can pierce a fork in the neck part easily.

Cool slightly and scoop out of pull skin off.

Saute a half of sweet onion, salt and cinnamon, about 1/4 each

for about 5 minutes, add 2 cloves chopped garlic. 1 minute

Add 2 T tomato puree

1 cup chopped spinach

Butternut

1 cup of lobster stock, veg broth or 2T fish sauce plus 1 cup water

2 T lemon juice

2 t. cumin

2 t. turmeric

1 t. paprika

1/4 or less cinnamon- taste it. Go ahead, taste it.

Add water to cover squash and simmer for about 20 minutes.

Use and immersion blender or put soup in a blender to puree- leave the hole on top of the standing blender off- believe me.

Put back into pot and add more water if it is too thick.

Salt and pepper garnish with yogurt and serve with naan or rolls.

I made Martha Stewarts "no knead dinner rolls"- yes, yes I did.

http://www.marthastewart.com/recipe/no-knead-dinner-rolls

Alcohol

I was just thinking about how glad I am that I am not an alcoholic. I am not sure how I avoided that whole thing, not selfish enough I'm guessin', but I sure am happy about it.

Because today I need that glass of red wine. I just watched Eddie and the kids (both dogs included) walk out the door heading for the park I'm sure, I filled up the tub with super hot, bubbly water and I am going to pour a heavy handed glass of vino. Some days I just really look forward to it. Some days I forget how relaxing it is.

Not today Zurg.

Ambien

So I was going to write, since I have been typing all day but now that I have taken an ambien and had a glass of wine- I'm out. I'm going to go snuggle with this really sexy man upstairs. 

Which makes me think about Tiger Woods. Did they say that he used to love Ambien sex? Um, how in the hell is that possible? Seem like I would fall asleep in the middle, wake up upside down or something, a real weird-o experience. And riddle me this, why would he want to have so much raunchy sex and then take a sleeping pill that basically makes the scenes from last night a little on the "did that happen" side? Maybe if he would have gone through one of those nights sober he would have woken up in the morning and saw that nasty chicks face and said "wait. a. minute." and that would be that.

I am not against having a one night stand. I think relationships can get through them. As long as there aren't too many details and the girl still loves you, go for it. And just know forever and ever- you not eva da boss. Anymore. Ever.

She's my best friend.

I have noticed, as of late (okay, as of always) that it is pretty hard to make a new friend.

Not that I don't like my friends, I do. I have plenty and they are all good ones (well, most of them) and maybe this is all I get but I can't help but notice that when I am out and meet someone interesting, that's where it ends. The meeting. Then poof! we are all on our way and most likely never to meet again.

Why is that? Why is it so weird, taboo or just plain not something that is done, to ask for a number, share email address'? Is this just me? If I were out at a bar and met someone and "clicked" I'd exchange numbers... right, isn't that what we used to do? I say "used to" because when I got out now it is usually to watch my husband play a show, I sit it in the backstage before and usually after the show, never so much as using the public bathroom. Hmm, maybe this is why it is hard for me to meet friends? I am totally my own shrink right now.

I was out with Q, baby and Eddie last week and we met this interesting couple with kids and when we parted ways I said to Eddie "man, I really wanted to ask them for their phone number but thought that might have seemed desperate. Would that have been weird?" and he says "Yes.".

Boo.

Tonight we were at Top Ten Toys, and ran into this guy (with wife and three kids) we didn't speak to the wife who was busy with two of the three and anyway we chatted, he seemed cool, our babies were a week apart and then, we left... as we got in the car I said "SEE! They seemed like people we should hang out with and here we go, leaving and we'll never see them again" and to my surprise, Eddie said "I know, I almost asked for his number but I didn't because I thought it seemed weird".

So why do we feel so paralyzed? I feel this way a lot. I will see a Mom walking down the street with her stroller and her cute (brushed) hair, dresses like she means it, with a bottle hanging out of her pocket and I'll think "we should be friends" but running across the street screaming my email address seems a little crazy.

Aside from crazy though, I am going to think of a way to approach my FBFF ("future best friends forever") because, like it or not, I don't have too many friends that are in my same boat, or even sailing the same sea as me. I am 34, married with two kids with more in my future. I am completely normal, living a completely abnormal life... but aren't we all?

I'm picky, I guess. I don't want the uber anything Mom as my friend. I'm sorry, if you are on every new bandwagon, we will not get along. I don't want to make friends with people that have given up on life... hmm, this is sounding like an ad. So I should stop, or should I keep going? Ha!

When I was pregnant, I checked out the new mom websites. None of the groups seemed to fit me, they were either not in my neighborhood ("need friends, won't travel", kidding I would but these were like far) or seemed way off base in another way. But I have friends that met their BMF ("best mommy friend") at said groups... so maybe I should give that another try?

I feel like I owe it to Elvis to let her grow up with kids. Quattro grew up around adults and as much as I don't regret that at all and it made him who he is which is the most socially adjusted, radical 9 year old, we just have a different life right now. And we will for the next couple of years. We plan to stick around for the next two, then possibly pack it all up and travel with Eddie, take Q out of public school and live a different life. Until then, "hello playdates!" and continual quest for my female better half.

Racket

I think the idea of having to buy, oh I don't know, on average 3 or 4 car seats in your childs lifetime is a bunch of bullshit.

We just plunked down like $200 for a "convertible" car seat, after Elvis has grown out of her infant one. This one will last until she is like 40 or 50 lbs (she is 25 already), then she will need another one and after that a booster... I get it, it keeps them safe, ya ya, I know, I'm buying it- literally.

But Hazel Downing said it right, "nowadays you have to strap them in like they are going to the fucking moon".

Yep, that was Eddie's Grandma.

Sick, sick, sick.

I have been under the weather for about 2 days now. I feel like I need to just shake it off but I can't.

I am sure there's something going around, at least there's a "Flipping Out" marathon on TV.

This illness is really putting a twist on my week. I am basically accomplishing nothing. I have student council things to figure out (election slated to be first week of November) and I want to get my etsy. com shop open in a week and of course Halloween. I have costumes and decorations...

you know typing thing makes me think of something that has always bothered me. The amount of work that goes into what someone like me does, getting cast off like it's some sort of easy way out.

I am a mom, a "stay at home" mom- meaning I do everything. I could list the things that I do, but it would just seem dumb to me but I would like to give a shout out to all the Mom's and Dad's that choose to stay at home, that don't send their kids to daycare. They choose to sacrifice. Because believe me, I know plenty of people who proudly state that they work to get out of the house, that they just don't want to stay home. And that's cool. That doesn't bother me, some people are great parents, in doses. Ha ha. No but really- I am just tired of people saying shit like "if I had as much time as you do I would have time to do stuff too"-, um, okay. I feel like the working people, my job is never done. At the end of the day I'm exhausted too, but I have 2 kids and that's what I'm building on, I making their lifetime memories.

Ugh! If you go to work and choose to have kids, when you get home- you're works not done and I know a lot of people that act like they can't be bothered with their kids at the end of the day and that's not me.

I work from home, let's just say that. I would like to universally coin the term "work from home mom", cause I mean really, what Mom or Dad actually stays there? It's a mess. Ha!

Watch your kids, people.

I went onto youtube tonight to show Quattro some footage of Evel Knievel.

I was shocked to look at the sidebar on the right and see titles like "boy dies in school bathroom" and "man killed by train"... I guess I was under the impression that there was some sort of, hmmm, not like sensor but a limit as to what youtube would show.

I'm mistaken.

Just wanted to make sure I spread that around like head lice because it is not cool.

Michael Douglas.

Is it just me or is this super sad? I can't believe he has cancer.

For the love of god people, STOP SMOKING!

Shit, if my Mom can do it, you can.

My Mom quit smoking in April of 2009.

Yay Mom!

Evel Knievel and Beetlejuice.

Costumes. 

That's them. 

Time to get busy kids.

Take me out to the ball game

and don't let me eat too much salt.

I think it is mandatory that when you go to a baseball game, you feel like a bloated pig when you leave. No?

I do it every time, I like baseball, sure, but I like the food more. I can barely type that sentence because of how repulsed I am feeling now, but seriously, park food rocks.

Speaking of rock. 

It has been brought to my attention that Eddie's song writing has gotten "soft"... I do and do not agree. I am of course always compelled to stick up for him, whether it be his ways or his wears, I am always going to go up to bat for that man (wow, no pun intended) but this time I am torn I guess. I see how it may be thought that because someone isn't singing about bangin' dope, screwin' chicks and the devil (makes three) that they have somehow lost their edge, but personally- I'm not into that shit (anymore) either.

I guess I feel compelled to write about this because he won't. He doesn't give a damn about any of the talk, he has been surrounded by "talk" for 20 years, so to him it's not worth it but to me, I don't know, I guess, even though I'm all grown up, I like to fight.

Bring it.

Etsy

I will be opening shop on etsy. com in the next couple of weeks. So please take a look and buy something. I will not charge you $60 for a clutch, I will sell things at a reasonable price, I don't know how some people sleep at night with their prices. I want to sell stuff I'd be able to afford myself.

It's

LoveYourmom

Hot dog stew.

I have been out of the blog world lately for a couple of reasons. Some personal and some not but I'm back and I hope that this will be a little more consistent.

So what's new you ask? Well, everything. I have been cooking a ton and to add to that I have taken up the sewing machine. This machine was given to me by my husband about 4 years ago. Over the last 4 years I have, on occasion, brought it out, tried to get it going to no avail. It's always a learning curve with me. I want to do what comes naturally and if I find something where I have to really get down and teach myself something... well, I usually quit. This is going to change.

My Mother was here visiting and I had her give me a real lesson (thanks Mom!) and I haven't put it down yet. I can't stop, it's like 2 a.m. and I'm in the "sewing room" (office turned craft mecca), cross eyed, exhausted but finding that I just can't put it down.

I have created a diaper clutch that I think is going to be my thing. I wanted to make something that was simple where I can make a lot of them but still really cool. I have a baby so yes this blog might turn into all things baby (not likely) but I will do my best to keep it interesting.

Like recipes, and this one is called "Hot dog stew"

3 T. olive oil

1 small onion, diced

2 carrots, diced

2 turnips, diced

3 T. gumbo file (it's powdered thyme and savory)

3 T. flour

2 cups lobster or veggie broth

2 cups water (or less)

1 lg can of diced tomatoes with juice

4 hot dogs, diced

In a lg pot

heat the oil and add onions for about 4 minutes

add gumbo file, salt and pepper stir until heated, about a 1 minute

add veggies, tomatoes (with juice) and broth, add water so that the veggies are covered by about 2 inches.

put a lid on it and boil for about 12 minutes

when the veggies are done, you're done.

Add the hot dog to the bowl, I usually serve this over bamboo rice, and cover with soup. Garnish with sour cream. Yum.

And yes I know hot dogs are disgusting but I love them and so does my son. I use all natural ones from Trader Joes, they are still disgusting but better for you... like American Spirit cigarettes I guess.

And then she was one.

This week, 9.9.10 to be exact, was Elvis' birthday. The day came and went and it was nice and happy and we didn't do much because, well, because she is 1, what the hell does she know?

But I had planned for a party. Of my friends and family, it was held today.

I spent too much money and put in too many hours of work for a party she will never remember and probably wasn't too aware of all together but it was one of the funniest things I have done in a long time. 

Cutting out felt flowers and hanging them from the ceiling. Stringing feathered butterflies from the lights in the kitchen... I did it all for her. I was 100% in my element, I baked chocolate cupcakes and 2 pumpkin pies. I made Palmiers with pesto and sundried tomatoes and ham and cheese puff pastry straws. I made mimosas and home-made paperdolls, I spent countless hours with a pair of scissors in my hands and constantly thinking about "what else do I want to remember about this day? What else do I want to see in pictures when she is grown and she is showing pictures to her kids, of her 1st birthday? And in the end, I was happy, I thought there is nothing else. I have thought of everything. I did it, I was ready on time, everything was delicious and the baby was happy and my son was happy and the guests were happy. 

Wow.

(pics to come)

Alcohol

I don't understand alcoholics. I mean, really, I don't.

How they can just crack open beer after beer and know that they will feel like shit tomorrow. They talk under their breath, they slur speech (that is the WORST!)...

I guess growing up with an alcoholic has assured me of one thing. I will never be an alcoholic. Nope. Not gonna happen. I like my drink and the drinks the go with them but I LOVE my personality, or at least the idea that I can have one.

Good night.

Negative creep.

It's weird when you come into contact with people that are just negative. You try to ignore it, fight it and then finally just submit, you have to just bite your tongue (constantly) and hope that it passes quickly. I am struggling with this right now. I have the urge to point it out but I am sure it will do no good.

All I can do is know that I am doing my best to be a positive. Negative is stupid, pointless and who needs it.

LBC

We left Anaheim today for Long Beach. We are going to spend the next two days here then Eddie will fly to Durango, CO and I will go visit friends and family in San Diego.

We had so much fun in the pool yesterday, we did nothing else... well except drive all over looking for a baby floaty thing. I have one at home, bought one and left it in Mexico and I didn't think it would be so hard but since the retail people are insisting we ALL forget about summer and go back to school, it was a challenge to say the least.

Someone at Target suggested we go to Walmart but I suggested she be crazy. We instead went to Walgreens and found this super awesome one for only $10 and it has a little seat and everything. Elvis gets all excited when we blow up the floaty thing, she remembers Mexico I think. We all got in and it was so nice because it was HOT yesterday and today too. There's some kinda heat wave going around these parts but I welcomed it, all my friends in Cali said it has been a real cool summer and that was not what we were looking for this week.

We met up with our friends Dawn and Ruby and it was so good to see them. They moved out here in April and that is just too long to go without seeing such amazing people. Our kids have grown up together and it is sad that they will not be as close as they were but still seeing them together today you'd never know a day had passed, that is the thing about really great friends.

Tomorrow we will do a little of the same. Hang out by the pool and take walks, this time on the beach. We walked on the boardwalk today and it was a little touristy, I think we are going to go farther down tomorrow, we are right across from the Queen Mary, we can see it from the roof, which is where the pool is.

Speaking of pool, we were up there this evening and there were a group of people for happy hour or something and I saw one of the doctors from "Dr. 90210". He is that cute Asian guy that wears glasses, anyway- that's not important but it was something.

Elvis was thinking she could swing. Crawling along the top step she would splash down on her belly and smile real big. This older man walked over to her and started telling Eddie how cute she was and then she slipped and smacked her mouth on the side of the pool... the guy felt bad but not as bad as Eddie would was watching her. Her tongue was bleeding a little and she was all done with the pool. Poor thing. It is always so hard to see your baby get hurt, always. Q crashed a few weeks ago on his scooter and it was the worst fall for him since he was about 3, when he fell off the escalator in NYC. Ugh geez, that was one bloody mess, I still think about it every time I step onto an escalator, I will never forget that.

On a lighter note, I had a twinkie last night. I haven't had one in I don't know how long and it was pretty stale. I was thinking of how much better that could have been and so now I want a twinkie pan for Xmas. Oh yeah, they have them and I will too.

Anyway, I had the twinkie because I asked Eddie to pick me up a snack on his way back to the hotel. I had taken a painkiller because my foot was bothering me and it made me feel so sick, I was about to barf, it was awful and we had next to nothing in the room and of course there was no room service since it was 2 a.m. and we aren't in Vegas. The twinkie may have been stale but it did the trick.

No more rock n' roll?

I wonder. I was thinking tonight as Eddie was packing up to go to the show and I was starting the bath water- why I don't really have a desire to go out anymore... well, to go to shows.

I mean, I like them but I really don't have the urgency I once felt, that pull to get a sitter and rock out. I have no plans of going to any of these... 4 shows while we are on vacation in California, I just would rather be here with my kids.

I am so in love with being a Mommy, I always have been, for 9 years anyway, but right now I feel like I am excelling, I am getting it together... again. Not that I feel as if I didn't have it together but I suffered from a bit of the baby blues, I thought it was nothing but once it lifted, I can really see that I was struggling. I was definitely one of those people that thought it wouldn't happen to me but it did.

There's a sadness that you hear about, the feeling of no matter what something is missing and everything is cry worthy. I was sad when she turned 3 months, I felt like she wasn't an infant anymore and that was hard for me. It wasn't really until I saw my son be naturally adjusted to the big brother role that I really had my moment, that switch flipped, I saw what a beautiful 9 year old Quattro is and it hit me that even though she too will grow up (faster than I want) she's going to be fantastic. Thinking about all the awesome things I get to show her and teach her and discover all over again through a childs eyes... it made me better. I still have my days of wishing I could slow things down and that's when I do. I stop and cancel the play dates and take a rain check with friends and just sit on the floor and play with the kids and get Q in bed early so we can read longer. I'm trying, I am really trying to do this all right- again.

1:44 a.m.

and I am making birthday invitations for Elvis'.....fffffff....ffffffiiii...fffiiirrrr.... gasp. For Elvis' first birthday. Wow, that was hard. I am sad, I guess, that the year is over, I am sad that she is no longer a little blob but I love the fact that she's the age she is. She is fun. She is hysterical in fact but I am a little weepy.

So the invites... my eyes are crossing. Maybe I should retire for the night.

Come to me.

Don't you love it when something just comes to you? You are driving along and POW! an idea that just makes you smile.

It happened tonight. I was driving home from taking Eddie from the airport to Camp Mimi (to meet up with Q) and I was listening to his new record (in stores in about... 3 months) and I saw the cover of the album in my head. Not at all what we have been working on, shooting photos for- this is different, I can't wait!

Poof! just like that.

On a side note, I am spending another boyless night at home and ate 4 pieces of mushroom and jalapeno pizza... ugh.

Gawd damn neighbors!

So my neighbors (nice people) are smoking fish again. They have done it a few times before, but this time the baby's room is filling up with smoke. I don't know what to do. It's hot, if I close the windows she will for sure not sleep. Man, I am super pissed off and as I type the rest of the house is filling up with smoke too.

Pissed off.

Primal.

Twice now I have had my blood boil over dangerous situations concerning my daughter. She is a baby, after all, and can't take care of herself one bit. I am guessing though that these feelings of leaping out of your body in pursuit of saving your offspring, may never go away- that I will have to deal with, as I go.

But these two occasions got me thinking. Is there ever enough caution taken, enough cords pulled out of reach, baby gates put up, and doors locked? I feel like I have a pretty even stance on baby-proofing. I don't go overboard, I don't want my entire day filled with constant latch snapping and plastic handle squeezing. I do love a baby gate as I have stairs and a 9 year old bedroom door that can never stay closed, and my outlets are covered but I do little things like I don't buy toxic cleaners and I have all my pokey kitchen stuff put away and a drawer full of kitchen stuff that baby can play with, risk free.

So now what about the people I live with? How long do I lecture? Will I ever feel safe leaving the room for a minute? I have this constant feeling of emergency, that is the only way I can explain it. I mean, I know why Mom's become closet (or some, not so closet) alcoholics. This shit will drive you crazy! This feeling of, what I can also describe as like ADHD, or what that might feel like. I am mentally scrambling to do things, and I'm always on high alert. It's a sick, twisted thing I have, most Mom's do, the "Mom-dar". I will wake up in the middle of the night, and not 60 seconds later the baby will cry. When Quattro was little, we were moving into our apartment in San Diego and he was asleep on our bed because it was up and his crib was not- well we were in the livingroom, down the hall and I suddenly dropped the box or whatever I was holding and ran down the hall, only to put my hands out and catch this not 7 month old baby as he rolled off our bed. That was the first time anything like that had happened and it hasn't stopped since. This time, with Elvis is worse, I think because I know it's there but I know she's sick like the day before and I know when she is into something she shouldn't be, even if I'm in the other room.

This whole thing started because I was cooking dinner a couple weeks ago and Eddie had the baby and Quattro was out back. The door to the basement has been staying shut due to our lack of finding the right baby gate to fit. So I am cooking and I turn around and see the baby, back facing the top of the stairs with the door wide open. These are no steps either, they are steep as hell and curved, with a solid concrete floor at the bottom... I came unglued, I was out of my head pissed off, I couldn't believe it- it was the only time I ever thought I would leave Eddie, for real. If she would have fallen, I know I would never forgive him.

But she didn't, I, without so much as a sound as I didn't want to startle her and have her lean back, ran over and grabbed her by the foot and pulled her to safety. Eddie was crushed, I could tell he was going to beat himself up and I didn't tell him not to. Some things are unforgivable and I told him that was one of them.

The next day the baby gate was bought and installed. He's no Mom but he's a real good Dad.

Halloween time...

it's here. It's that time of year when everyone in the house starts talking about Halloween. I know it seems too early but since I make everything, I like to start early.

I think we've got the idea for Q and now it's Elvis' turn. But what does a little baby be for Halloween? she isn't "in" to anything, so I wonder like, what should she be? I look online for ideas and they are all lame baby costumes and I just can't seen to get any "Ah Ha" feelings about anything...

ideas are welcome

There's a lesson here.

So this is the summer that I have to learn to say "no" and to teach Q to do the same. It's hard, you think it's summer so we should just say "yes" to everything but then I find that we are all spent, tired, exhausted even and we barely see each other. Quattro has had sleep over after get together (my new name for "play date" I hate that) after sleep over... I have seen him, sans other kids, for like a couple hours over the last two weeks and that's just not going to work. I miss him, I love him and I think it's time to pull the reigns in and learn how to pace ourselves and spread things out a bit. Wish me luck.

Put up or shut up.

I am in a spring cleaning frenzy and I think it is driving my boys crazy.

I have that feeling like I want to move, pack everything up and unpack only the things I want to see, alas we aren't moving. We have a great house, we all love it but something has to give.

We had our garage sale and got rid of the stuff we didn't want but I am stuck with this feeling of internal screaming. I must silence it but I think I will have to do the work in order for that to happen. So here goes some major house cleaning, I guess our ebay account will get back up and running.

Post break up blues?

Man, I am feeling so "eh" today.

I may be coming down with something. I feel tired in a "I want to be in bed all day" and usually I am a sleep in, get moving kinda girl, but today I'm feeling gloomy almost.

I told Eddie I was feeling weird and he just kinda blew me off. That's the thing about Eddie. He is the sweetest guy and would do anything for me, as long as I am not feeling sick. He doesn't handle it well, like I think he just gets buried in the "things I will have to do to take her place for now" thought and he loses sympathy for me, he just wants me to feel better... now.

But I don't. I haven't gotten much sleep lately, that could be it. I usually go about two weeks before it catches up with me. I am an insomniac and I always have been, you'd think I'd figure something out.

Anyway, I am going to take a nap now, maybe I will feel better when I get up.

Reading sucks.

I had an epiphany tonight.

As Eddie puts Q to bed, I think about turning in and going upstairs to get all cozy in our bed and read some more of my favorite book, "Home Game". That's when I realize I finished it this morning. Ugh! It totally sucks. I was really into it, I loved getting into bed at night and reading a little and then waking up and reading it some more. Man, I'm bummin' out.

Eddie said "finishing a good book is like losing a good friend" and I stop and think

A. he is so gawd damn right

B. this is why I love this guy, he's brilliant.

In the beginning.

I had left my ex boyfriends house so excited about the show, I called Heidi up and said "we are going to see the Supersuckers tonight!". And that was that, we were going. I don't even remember her asking any questions, we were good like that.

I had stopped at his house (my old place) to get some stuff out of the basement. I am guessing when we broke up I left in a hurry. It's all a little foggy but I do remember a night (no doubt one of the last in that place) where he was grabbing handfuls of my clothes and throwing them on the front lawn (classic!) and my best friend was sainted that night, as she would follow behind him, pick the shit up and bring it back in the bedroom. This went on forever it seemed, I was distraught, unstable and most likely scratching my arms from wrist to elbow. Hey, it was the 90's, I was constantly intoxicated, medicated and depressed. Anyway, my ex was there, he was always weird around me since the split. I think he tried to act like he didn't care about me, hoping things would change, but I was a real hot mess. I don't think "unstable" begins to describe where I was, mentally, so he was smart to distance himself.

He watched in silence as I removed the boxes. At this point I was enjoying being on my own, I wanted nothing to do with him or any other guy. I needed to find out who I was, stop drinking so much and lay off the cocaine. As I was leaving I told him thanks for letting me get my shit, and then he said "are you going to the show tonight?" I wasn't aware of any show, truth be told, I was winding down from the scene, I had spent many a drunken night at some club smoking myself to death and drinking 5 o'clock vodka by the fifth...

he says "the Supersuckers are playing" and that moment felt like a little bit of fate had stepped in, if I hadn't gone there that day, everything would be different.

It was always kind of "our" band. When I met him in AZ he wore this classic cracked logo Tshirt of theirs. I was unaware of the band when we met, but when he played one of their records for me I was hooked. It was the best thing I ever heard, it was instantly my favorite band. We were all heavy into crusty punk and for some reason it never really spoke to me. I liked it because it was who I rebelled with, when I became aware of the scene I went there, 100%. I wanted to belong to something my Mother didn't understand and more importantly- hated.

Okay back to my night, September 9, 1999.

Subaru.

Why is the Subaru the "Seattle car"? It's weird.

At every turn I see a Subaru, usually with a bunch of stickers on the inside of the back seat window... no judgement, (heh heh heh) but it's odd I think.

Speaking of odd, um "Toddlers and Tiaras" anyone? This show is fucking cccccccccrazy! I just saw a Mom put mascara on her boy? I mean, either way, boy or girl, these kids shouldn't be wearing mascara, they all look like little strippers and pimps. It makes me uncomfortable but I can't stop watching! I'm like on my second glass on wine and I don't have to work tomorrow and it looks like it might be a god damn marathon people! Eddie and Q are in the kitchen doing a Wimpy Kid puzzle, Elvis is fast a sleep and Mama is going to get comfy and watch this train wreck.

Back-ups, baby.

I got to the studio one day last week and Eddie asked if I would do some back up vocals. I am was a little like "... um, no." but then I remembered I really do like to sing. Even though I KNOW I'M NOT A SINGER. So when you hear it, which you will- you should, you really should buy it when it comes out (don't worry I will let you know when it's coming) don't beat me up. I am sure Eddie's "fans" will they LOVE to talk crap, it's cool though.

Anyway... I like to sing. I do it in the car (never in the shower, does anyone?) all the time and at home in the kitchen, while I am cooking, I totally belt the songs out, but not with any confidence and not when anyone is here, except Q, I sing for him, it makes him laugh.

Well I did it, I sang back up on two or three songs and I've definitely improved since "Bubble Gum & Beer" my backups stank on that one but I have forgiven myself. I really liked being there to help "produce" Q's song too. Dave and Eddie were laughing at me because I kept having Q sing the end of this song over because I knew he could go bigger and in the end (5 takes) he nailed it, he totally nailed it.

Right now I am battling with myself. I didn't sleep at all last night and at like 7 I was wide awake and had to work at 9- the baby is way into nursing still, even more so the last few days, she skipped her lunch and dinner and nursed me to death, I feel like I could go eat a second dinner... maybe another ice cream sandwich? Eddie makes the best ones.

I really want to take something to make me sleep but I have to work tomorrow and I don't feel like feeling all groggy... wine? Okay.

Stu-tu-tu-tudioo!

What a rush! Quattro recorded his song "When Do I Go?" at Litho today and it was amazing!!

He performed it during his talent show and Eddie decided to have him record it for his record. It's so cool!! I can't wait for this record to come out. I even did some back-ups which is always as fun as you think.

I'm bored.

I feel like I need to do something. There needs to be a change, I am getting random extreme thoughts of putting everything in storage and renting a house far, far away.

It's hard to believe that I have a 10 month old and I am already like "what's next?". I didn't feel that way after Q for a long time, but this time is different. She is great, obviously, she is everything a baby should be she fits well into our world but I need something more. I would love to figure it out without jumping ship, throwing everything into one of those "PODS" but I am not against it.

I am hoping that next year brings more travel, I think that is what it is. I have been home for the better part of the last year and that is the first time in almost 11 years. I am no good here day after day, I feel a little ADD, like I keep thinking of things to do, places, projects, AHHHH.

But I am happy, these feelings are not met with desperation, more just curiosity of what's next.

I'm in charge.

So Eddie goes back to work this week. I am a little nervous. I have gotten so used to him being around, I mean, since practically Elvis was born he has been around. It's nice to have him, I never have to do dishes, I don't have to clean the cat box, you know all the things that we all hate to do, he doesn't... if he does he does it all with a smile. Besides my life just being a little easier, I have really liked having him around all the time. I can barely imagine him going on tour... that will be tough. It's weird, our whole lives together (almost 11 years!) he has toured relentlessly and now I can't imagine it. But the baby, she loves him and Q he really enjoys waking up every day and seeing his face, I just know it is going to be something that we all have to relearn, I'm not excited about it.

Happy birthday to me.

So 34 years in and I am learning some things about myself. Hey, maybe I always knew them but now I actually like these things about me. Not that I was ever one of those self deprecating individuals, this I am not, but ever since I can remember I have always been on the quasi quest of "who am I and why am I here?". For reals. I have.

I know that I am funny, this is something I remember always finding easy. I do make some jokes at your expense but only if I love you. If I don't like you, you are not worth crackin wise at, I'm just not into it. 

I'm a "right brain" so I am messy. I have too many ideas and things I want to do and maybe I feel like I am always running out of time- time in a week, time in a day... maybe time in life? I don't know. I have a slight fear that I will die when I am not ready, this too I remember as a child. As soon as I figured out (because no, no one sat down and told me) that we all die, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that I would be "next". Well, I wasn't but someday I will be and that, on occasion, scares the shit out of me.

I am willing to forgive for pretty much everything, except infidelity and crimes toward my kids. I am honest in knowing that we aren't perfect and I am okay with you anyway. Forgiveness can come in minutes or months but I will almost always make you beg for it.

Talk to me honey.

Over the last few days I have been thinking about conversations I have and the way that they go, the people they're with and I am seeing a trend. More and more I will be talking with someone and I will be in the middle of a story and I will get cut off and never be asked to pick back up where I was. You know, when your story spurs the other person and they chime in and have their little "side story" but then usually they will say "okay, sorry... continue" or you will just pick up where you left off when they are done.

Well lately it just happens that I will be talking and get interrupted and the other person won't even ask me to continue or worse yet, they won't even acknowledge that I was saying anything.

My old best friend (see post "She is leaving") used talk over and interrupt all the time but she would ALWAYS get back to my story, it was one of the things I really liked about her. She talked a LOT but not in that selfish way, she never didn't want to hear what you were saying. Hmmm, maybe I miss that ol' bitch... I do but I am ready to have a new BFF, I would really like to meet someone that is like where I'm at. Someone that has the sort of same thing going on in their lives, so we have something to talk about. Most of my friends are older, kids are grown (r they are too grown) and we are just in different worlds. I have a little baby and a 9 year old... maybe I need a gay husband. Like not another husband but his gay counterpart. That would be good.

Oh there I go getting sidetracked but at least I didn't cut you off!

I do wonder though, which is worse, getting interrupted and never finishing or calling your sister after not talking for a month and her not asking you one thing about your life?

Eyes up here.

I have never been very good at looking people in the eye when I'm talking to them. I know it's the thing to do but it seems too personal or something, uncomfortably intimate. I mean, with Eddie or the kids I'm okay but there's something about it that makes me feel weird.

I can't help but feel like I'll get locked into a stare and it will be too weird, maybe they'll be able to see into my soul. There's a strange feeling you get when you look at someone in the eyes. There is a moment you share with that person that I guess I am not too good at sharing.

Play dates a go-go

Today Quattro's best friend came over for a day of skateboarding, burger making and s'mores eating. I'd like to think that's the thing memories are made of. I want this summer to be special for him, I want to make sure he gets time to himself and that things are 9 year old fun and not always baby fun.

I'm working on the even scale thing. I don't need to be perfect, I just need to not fuck this up.

She is leaving...

er, I mean, she already left.

So my best friend of about 15 years up and moved about a month ago... maybe more, I am too busy to keep count.

We hadn't seen each other in about a month, she was elusive it seemed, I assumed she was dating someone new, she always kinda took off for a bit when a new guy came a long. It was just part of her, I eventually accepted that and anyway, all seemed pretty good between us. She bagged our plans maybe twice in that month, dinner at my place or a movie, which was usually me, I have two kids I can't always hold up my social plans, that is part of who I am.

One day I was walking around Home Depot and I sent her a text, I thought it had been long enough and we were back home from a trip, so I thought I would check in with her. After the obligatory "how's it going? I've been so busy" she asks if I had seen her facebook page, I hadn't and she said she was moving back "home".

I know we are grown ups, I know that she owes me nothing, I mean, I guess. I always thought we were best friends turns out, we weren't even really friends.

See we went to a bar one night (months prior) and evidently she made a joke about moving back to MI and I said "you'd move back there?" and that is when she decided that I would not be privy to know she was already knee deep in boxes. She is under the impression that I don't think MI is "cool" or something. I mean, what makes a place cool? I didn't realize I was so trivial. But small town people do that. Whenever I talk shit about where I am from, people there get all defensive, as if they created the damn place. I don't really care. I couldn't live in a lot of places, but I could also live in a lot of places... sorry, I am just getting side tracked, she really pissed me off.

So just like that. We exchanged a couple of emails, her feeling the victim and me sort of blind sided but the whole deal- I am happy she moved if that is where she wanted to be but I am so 

irritated about how she just sort of up and left. Who does that? 15 years, and that's it? Funny thing, that this kinda happened before, when I moved to Seattle, she sort of just fell off the side of the earth for a couple years, I was having a baby and she didn't give a shit, never even called me- years later we both put it all in the past and she moved to Seattle and I was a good friend. But it's not going to happen like that again. I had to explain to Q what happened to her and he was at a loss as well. He didn't understand it, kept saying "she just didn't say good bye?", I lied, I told him she told me to tell him "bye".

Bitch.

Kim and I, backstage in England, summer '09.

Quattro

Our mini Thunder snowman.

Eddie and Bam.

My favorite little man.

Monkee.

Mommy.

The Pineapple.

Puzzle pieces

I realized today that like Quattro, Elvis' head fits perfectly in that little nook of my shoulder, where my neck meets my collar bone. Even though it's slightly boney, it curves into a smooth like pillow, contoured to their sweet little heads when they cry, when they sleep.

They fit like my head does to Eddie's, it is as if we are all pieces of our own puzzle.

Whatcha readin' for?

We went to Barnes and Noble yesterday, mainly as an extension of our "get out of the heat" plan. We had lunch, went shopping then walked into the massive Q used to call "Barnes and Global"... anyway, I was looking for a place to sit down and feed the baby. 10 months old, still nursing, I know there are some people that think it's weird. Some think it is downright gross to see a woman nursing a baby but I don't really give a shit. Cover or no cover, a baby's gotta eat.

Q is off in the kid books, he loves to read, always has and Eddie, oddly enough, is in the parenting section. Now I didn't think too much of it at first, I was busy but later leaving the store I thought how awesome it was. Here's a guy, 43 years old, has a 9 year old and newly 10 month old (WOW) and he is still embracing the knowledge that is out there. Dude was getting his learn on. It was sexy. He picked up a book by a guy (whom I have forgotten his name*) that wrote "Blind Side" it is a journal of sorts that he wrote about each of his three daughters. Eddie stood there reading, seemingly, the entire thing and said "I'm going to get this" I was like "oh, weird, your new parenting guide?" and he said "not exactly, read the intro" then he grabbed the book from me, flipped the pages, excitedly and said "no, read this part", so I'm reading along it is about this guys' 6 and 3 year old swimming, blah blah and then the three year old yells (at some bratty boys in he pool) "YOU JUST SHUT UP YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKING ASSHOLE". And, we're hooked.

*"Home Game" by Michael Lewis

Ginger chicken

Make marinade in a large ziplock.

3 T fresh grated ginger (no substitute)

1/2 cup olive oil

2 T apple cider vinegar

3 t crushed garlic

1/4 cup diced onion (any kind)

3 chicken breasts

butterfly (cut in half)

slice diagonal strips lengthwise, about 1- 1 1/2" thick

Put chicken in ziplock and squish around. 

Refrigerate overnight or at least 4 hours

Soak skewers overnight too

Skewer each strip and BBQ. 

Don't flip too early, make sure you have dark grill marks so it won't stick.

Mmmmm...

Lentil salad

For Mom-

Lime dressing:

zest of one lime, make sure you wash it!

juice on one lime

1/3 cup olive oil

1 T honey, maple syrup or sugar if that's all you got

1 T sweet dried basil

salt, pepper

Salad:

small dice one zucchini

small dice one roasted red pepper

5-7 basil leaves, sliced thin

3-4 cups cooked lentils (Trader Joe's sells them cooked to perfection, if you cook them yourself, don't overcook them)

4 T goat cheese, slice it then crumble

First:

In a bowl mix the dressing up and toss in the zucchini, let it sit until you are done

Toss lentils with the rest of the salad mix, leaving out 1/2 of the cheese and a few strands of basil.

Mix in dressing and zucchini, top with the last of the cheese and basil.

Serve cold or room temp. 

I never read a parenting book cover to cover because of one simple reason- I don't believe that there is one philosophy, one way. I just don't think that's how it goes. Each child is different, requiring you to read yet another stack of, what I like to call "one idea", books.

I will happen upon an article or a piece of info from a conversation from a friend and then do a little research about the subject, only to find a concept that is nothing more than a pile of rules... and if there's one thing I don't like, it's being broke, um and rules, yeah, I don't like rules.

The whole idea of the "family bed", great idea, especially for us nursing mothers, it is a nice thought to have the baby laying next to you, only to wake up for a moment root around a bit then, "JACKPOT!". But what about when they are 4? Family bed? No thanks. And I guess I should say, although I like to think this goes without saying, that I am not judging. If it works for you, great. I'm only speaking of moi.

So the family bed. I get it, I like it. I wish, in ways, it worked for me. But I can't sleep, like really sleep with a baby in my bed, not to mention a thrashing 4 year old (or 9!) So parts of that concept are good for me, keep 'em close but not too close.

That brings me to the opposite method, "CIO" aka "cry it out". There is just NO way I could do it like they have it in the books. I read, from a "doctor", that you stretch the time out between going in an checking on your crying baby. Like 5, 10, 15 minutes... then it says crying for 30-90 minutes is not "uncommon" and also vomiting isn't unusual. Okay, I'm sorry- WHAT THE FUCK?? Are they suggesting that I leave my baby in their crib, check on them (it says to not pick them up) and if they are so hysterical that they barf I shouldn't think this is alarming? I don't know who this works for, for this I am going to take back the not judging part. If you are sleep "training" your baby and they cry so hard they throw up al over your crib, I judge you.

Anyway, this is what I am thinking about right now. All these "rules" and all the non-bendiness of the rules I read. Can't we just have a book that has a little bit of everything? Options from both sides (except from crazy, make your babies head spin around), all sides?

I sit here, with my 9 month old fast asleep with no one method to thank, and wonder.

Simlish?

It's a bit like Dutch meets baby talk. Eddie was in the studio yesterday recording vocals for "Rock n' Roll Records", the folks at EA Games are using it in their Sim's game. Pretty crazy words like "Rokka mo bekkles" was the line for "Rock n' roll records"... anyway it was cool.

So Eddie and Q ride their bikes to the studio, it's a couple miles from us, I stayed home to tend to the womanly stuff like waiting around for the baby to wake up.

When I show up to the studio (to pick up Q for a Target trip, he was DYING for the new Toy Story 3 DS game) Eddie is like "oh, Jess is here- she'll do it" and I'm thinking this can't be good... what can they possibly need me for there? My worst fear, singing! Actually it is not a fear, I'm just not very good at it. But Dave and Eddie wanted different voices for the background vocals, so they had Quattro record and then me. It was fun, I secretly love to do that sort of thing, putting on the headphones and screaming into the mic. It's alright.

Anyway, it was so quick, painless and just another thing to add to my list.

Video to come!

I love the smell of fresh grass in the morning.

It's Sunday "big breakfast" and today Eddie did just that.

He took the baby downstairs and make pancakes and oatmeal. Some days I am reminded of how awesome I have it, and today is one.

Now the boys are cutting the grass and pulling weeds, you gotta love that.

I just finished a lame movie I rented at Redbox like 3 days ago... I guess that's why they can be so cheap- no one is in a hurry to return them.

Anyway, we are getting ready to have our yearly yard sale. I am excited and dreading it all at the same time. Quattro has his lemonade stand, he is always ready to make a buck.

Which brings me to something I just read on the bands web site. They are talking about the band (who posted a few months ago they are on hiatus for the summer, writing songs, going to record, etc) not posting any summer shows... um, okay... but then someone comments that I said on my blog that I am working now, I guess leading their wild imaginations to believe the band is over, blah blah blah- for anyone who knows me, you know I have been catering for about 4 years now, I work when Eddie is home because I am a Mom first. I cook for fun and it's with my girlfriend who I love to hang out with... anyway, I don't know why I feel like I need to explain myself but suddenly I feel like I can. These "fans" that get on the message board and just talk the most ridiculous shit. They act like they live in our house, balance our checkbooks. Someone wrote on there that Eddie was on state assistance or something... I don't know why anyone would go spend time on a site for a band that they obviously hate. Why would you talk that way about someone you respect? I don't get it. I mean, I do. They like to ruffle feathers and they like to sit there and wish someone's life was worse than theirs. But our life is good. I mean things have changed, sure. Ron quit, Chris quit- that changes things but it doesn't take away what they love to do. It doesn't make the band less of a band.

You'd think these people would realize that they are ruining the website. No one goes on there with any substance anymore because people don't have time to read through all the dumb shit.

I used to go on there weekly and go to Eddie with some posts and orchestrate the fan Q&A's but I don't waste my time with that anymore. Now I come on here, my own blog- talk some shit of my own.

SO anyway.... there's some exciting news regarding Eddie... I can't say what yet but we at the Daly house are all pretty fucking excited.

Silence isn't golden.

Just read this blog Chris Neal is starting. And while my blog has nothing to do with the band, personally I have to say I think he is a real piece of work. 

His entire site is full of things Eddie wrote, lyrics from Eddie's music. Wtf? Are you that unoriginal? Can't get people to bite on your blog by using your own material?

So annoying, but I guess I don't blame him. Don't be fooled though, Chris Neal left the band high and dry- read somewhere that he was left "holding the bag" that is bs. And Ron is writing material for you?? That was a surprise, after you were basically the reason he quit. You guys deserve each other.

What a wonderful world.

Not really. I think this place is pretty f'd up. But here, in my world, things are pretty rad.

We have all recovered from our lovely vacation in Mexico. The time there went by too fast but I was ready to come home. I have a lot to do here. The baby proofing is never ending (she is now cruising along the furniture, pushing the ottoman like it's her personal walker) I'm sure I'll finish about the time she goes into middle school.

More than that though I just wanted to get home, finish out this school year and start the summer. So many things are going on. Eddie is writing songs, some really amazing ones and working on a solo thing. The band is still on a break, they will come out of hiding when they record is done. I think it is a good thing but really I am pretty far removed from that whole thing, I think Eddie is a smart man and I trust what he is doing, even if he is slow or makes mistakes- I am here for the long haul.

Eddie took Q and his friend, along with Dave to the baseball game today. I was sick yesterday so I told him I didn't want to go and now I feel fine and wish I was there. Weirdly enough I am watching the game on TV!! WTF? It's crazy but I am just relaxing. Elvis is down for the second nap of the day and I really just felt like doing nothing for a little bit.

I've got to post some pics soon!

Holy crap, it's almost over.

So the internet isn't so great where we are staying.

There's service in the kitchen (where you plug in) and that's about it. It's supposed to be Wifi here but it is not... the place isn't too keen on helping either, the front desk is more for giving you your wrist band, which you must wear the whole time. Eddie and I both rolled our eyes at this, having a plastic bracelet on for 5 days?? Seems silly, but the pool here is bad ass and they basically don't want any Mexicans in their pool. I'm serious, going to the pool area, you'd never know you were in Mexico, you'd think you were stuck in some lame jocks wet dream of Spring Break.

Anyway, the pool is great, once you find a spot. That's a whole 'nuther ball of piss pants, every time we come to the pool there are towels on ALL the chairs and there are no people in those chairs... but low and behold, around 3-4 o'clock some old broad will come out of no where and take her seat. It's "dibs" Eddie called it, they wake up early and "call" their chair, spend all morning inside sleeping or watching Mexican soap operas, then they come out when everyone else goes back in... seems dumb and I think it should be illegal... might be the only thing illegal in Mexico, so I think someone will go for it.

Mexico is great. I heard from every single person, that heard I was coming, to BE CAREFUL!!!! Don't go out at night, blah blah blah. I mean, I guess sure, there's probably crime. Crimes against white people? Sure. But have these people never been to Detroit? I'm scared of Detroit- not Mexico. They want us here, we have $$$ and even though most Americans are total cheap asses, we come here to spend it. I think the US gov is trying to sway the white folk from coming here and spending, they're on to us. We come to Mexico, stock up on the best beer at the lowest price, stay in a massive condo for fucking peanuts and we aren't going to Disney Land and paying $20 for a hotdog. Yesterday we went to the "Super-Ley" (giant grocery store) and we filled the cart with meat, fruit, milk, coffee, beer, cokes (.25 a 'mini' bottle!) pastries, homemade tortillas, cheese, chorizo, chips, cookies... I mean TONS of stuff, it was 645 pesos, which is like $55. I could spend that on beer and coffee at home. The tortillas we bought are so good, I want to smuggle them home- they were $1.10 for about 30 of them. Handmade, so good you want to eat them all damn day.

Well that's enough about that. I hate to get all political, but you would not believe how many people tried to talk me out of going and they haven't even been here! They are watching CBS news about the drug cartel, well what about the gangs in America? let's tell people not to go to LA because there's drug violence... oh wait, Disney Land is there, we can't do that. Not that there's anything wrong with Disney land... well, there is but you know- it's all relative.

I'm just saying, come to mexico. There's beautiful people here, the beaches are CLEAN and the food is better than ever. If you stay out of trouble, you won't find any. We went out at night, I let a local carry the baby around (they love white babies), we put ice cubes in our drinks, Q made friends, it's fantastic here. We will be coming back soon, except I think I'll stay at a place that has room service. The only downer about this gigantic place we are in, there's no maid service because it is a condo and no room service.

Day 2.

I don't even want to kill anyone.
Well not really anyway.
Picked Eddie up today, spent some quality time with my niece and nephew- the coolest kids around... well other than my own. It is nice to be around family, for the most part, I always think it is but this time seems especially so. I think it is because I am okay with the differences, I'm not trying to change anyone, not trying to improve those that I love. I am living among them as they are and as I am and it is liberating actually.
See in the past (well up until this trip) I have always come to visit and really tried to bring the best out of everyone and it always backfired on me, leading me into this vicious circle of me feeling negated and them I am assuming attacked. I don't know, maybe not attacked but I think they felt a little uncomfortable. That's the thing about a family, they sometimes don't want change. Sometimes they know things are messy or complicated and they like it. They find peace in it even, and I was always under the impression that if I have learned anything I should share it, especially with them, I should bring my knowledge of whatever it may be that I think they need and teach them, when really, unless they think they need it, "it" is useless.
My sister always thinks I am trying to prove I am better than everyone and it's not about that. I learn things from my friends constantly and not only friends, people I don't know and I am not afraid to learn, I welcome it. I need it. I want to know more, do better and pass it on, but not every does, they want to pretend they know it all, they want to pretend their way is better, purely on the simple fact that they have been doing it that way and it must be "just fine.. that's the thing too, "just fine"! Ick, I loathe that.
I remember one time, a million years ago, my sister said something like, "you think your better than everyone" and I sat there trying to think of why that was a bad thing... but not in a crappy way, but you know, why shouldn't I at least WANT to be better than everyone? I don't think I'm stuck up, I don't think anyone that knows me would think that either, but family... do they really know you? I mean, my family still teases me about shit that happened when I was 15, so that is the me they know. And I am just not her anymore. Not at all. And if I was I would be a very different person, someone who thinks she is better than no one... sometimes I think they might wish, just a little, that I was still that little girl, the lost one. The one with the defined problems, the one that was the "bad seed" the trouble in the family. Because now, someone else has to step up and fail, someone elses troubles will rise up to be the attention grabbing pity magnet. And it ain't me. Nope. Finally, whew.
My sister said the weirdest thing to me today at lunch. There were three of us and the waitress brought the credit card receipts for all of us to sign and laid out three pens. My sister grabbed one and I looked up and saw a zebra striped one and grabbed it and said "cool" and then when I tried to use it it didn't work and she said "See. That's what you get".
I don't know why but the words rung in my ears, they paralysed me for a millisecond and I couldn't understand why, now after writing all of this, I think I do. I get it.

Viva Mexico, not so much the heat.

Well it's started. Our family journeys have picked up where they've left off... well kinda. We have four now, we are no longer a party of three with a belly. She's here and she's been thrown face first into this crazy rock n' roll world, or the Daly world anyway.
One minute she is at a season end baseball game (they were creamed!) and then the after party, then off to the airport (thanks Julie!) on a plane, in a rental, at the hotel, wake up, in the pool, on the road and off to Nama's house we go. We were WAY too close to my Mom's to not visit, it's hot as shit here and there's no beach but family is as family does- and this family is pretty tight.
Tomorrow I lunch with a really fabulous high school friend, pick Eddie up at the airport and then the party begins.
Stay tuned, I'm going to go buy the flip tomorrow so I am hoping to get some video up on this bitch.

MEXICO!!

Here we come.

Well not yet, but soon.

I have to say it has been s long since I have written but really nothing has been going on.

We are staying home, Eddie has been doing a few shows here and there and I have been working- ya, you heard me, I work. So nothing is really that interesting.

I mean, I have two rad kids that would win a fucking Oscar for being the best damn kids in the world but you don't want to hear about that... especially if you got yourself a stinker!

I just wanted to let you know that we are going to Rocky Point Mexico on June 10. Eddie will be playing Circus Mexicus on the 12. If you are there, live close or want to travel. GO. It rocks. Spent a lot of time there when I was younger, it is really nice, beautiful and there's no oil in the water. It's the Sea of Cortez so come on down, it's going to rock.

My oh my

It's been 20 some odd days since I've written. I have had a crazy couple of weeks and right now I am just not sure what I should be writing about. I guess that's when a blog can either stay a blog or become more than a blog...

I'm having some technical difficulties I guess you could say.

Oh what a night.

I just found this pic from when Eddie and I got married. This was after watching Steve Earle play...

good times.

That's my girl

Elvis Glo Danger. 6 months

LA Ink

I was watching LA Ink because there was absolutely nothing on and the dishes were done, babies in bed and husband playing a show- I was weak!

Anyway I hear this voice and see that my old friend Craig (formerly the washboard genius of Throw Rag) is on the show. I was confused but then noticed he was at his shop, American Electric and I was just blown away. So I proceeded to watch the entire show, to see when he would be back on. He's fantastic, adorable, abrasive and has the most lovable, snarly look about him and he was wearing a cowboy shirt which really sealed the deal.

He wasn't on the show much, but he was the best part. I have since watched LA Ink to see that face but he really has such a small part. I don't know the tie in, maybe they're friends? 

LA Ink has this girl manager in charge and it just seems all scripted. So dumb, fake scenes, fake fights. I mean, maybe they're not fake (HA!) but these people are the most awkward people, if they're not, in fact, horrible actors.

And what's with Kat's face? She was so pretty before, now she's all pulled tight, botox is not always a girls best friend. She looks plastic and I am not trying to be mean, it's just a drag to see someone cool looking get so... fake.

Toadies

As we rearrange the livingroom, again, I put on an old Toadies record and I am instantly taken back... something about old records, songs that can just zap you back in time. 

I remember when I used to smoke, when I would blow it out through my nose it reminded me of rehab... weird.

Smoking is bad and I am happy to be outta that racket, I am entirely too vain. I will almost certainly smoke again, at some point but that's just me being honest. I hate when people quit something and swear it off forever. Why? I mean, hopefully forever is a really long time, right? I can't imagine being tied to anything I've sworn off or worse being one of those people that "quits" everything, preaches about it and then go back without a thought. I think that whole "everything in moderation" is almost right.

What's it to you?

I am so sick of hearing people weigh in on breastfeeding.

What's it to anyone? I mean, it's discussed on shows, websites blogs... like this one...

I guess what really pissed me off is that anyone would think to say it's wrong.

And then when there are discussions about people who are doing it, they all talk about hiding in the fucking bathroom! I just read this ridiculously long list of posts on like iVillage  or something and these women are talking about staying indoors because they are breastfeeding and going into their car or worse, a public bathroom! YUCK.

Can you imagine grabbing your lunch and walking into the bathroom to eat? Please.

Sure it's weird because we are so weird about sex and the naked body, etc. Hey, I'm not but society in this country is. But it's food. Period. It's how some, lucky, babies eat.

And I get it, there are some women out there that are too proud, they show the whole damn room their enormous nipples, but don't look. Simple as that. It's not like they are walking around the room feeding their baby.

The problem is there are so many misinformed Mothers out there because of all of this shit talk about breastfeeding. I think it should be your decision, if you don't do it, don't. But if you're going to do it, just go for it. Get on with your life. Bring a blanket, which sometimes works until the baby doesn't like it and they start pulling it off. Wear the right shirt, better yet, do like I do and always wear a tank top underneath. So when you have to lift up your shirt (which you should, your giant jug should always go under, never over the shirt) your not feeling a draft, you will feel better about it, trust me.

So I guess I too am discussing this and that is the very thing that annoys me, but it frustrates me to hear people, men and women talk about how they think it's gross. I think some people are gross, their eating habits, their shoes, their FACES but I'm not going to tell them to stay in the fucking house.

Ugh, it just makes me angry and a little sad to think that someone could have such a negative feeling about a Mother feeding her baby and my feeling is that their Mother's didn't love them enough.

Don't be that guy.

So Quattro goes to a friends house and comes home loving a song by NOFX (I know, crap). I don't have a problem with him liking shitty music, I knew it was coming. I'm mean so far so good... until this.

Here's the problem. The song is "Gotta Pee" it's ridiculous, harmless but just dumb- so he asks Eddie to put it on his iPOD and I say "you know, you're 9 and I just don't think so". I mean, sure we are rock n' roll people, but first I'm a Mom and I just think it's fine to hear but do I want him having it on his iPOD? Nope, he's a kid, he won't be forever but he is now.

So I think that's the end of it. Eddie was there, he agreed (so I thought) and it was all behind us...

until last night.

Q was singing that song and we just happened to be Skyping with Eddie and I said "so did you ever put that song on your iPOD?". Q is instantly quiet, so I look at Eddie's face on the computer screen and he's... guilty.

I couldn't believe it. They both went behind my back and put the song on there anyway.

It's not so much the song as the keeping it from me, or rather the I said no and they just said screw it. I'm bummed at Q but more so Eddie. I would have rather him taught Q to fight for the song, maybe tell him how to word his case so maybe I will say ok, or whatever. I am a hard-ass. I know this and you know they do but I have a real problem with teaching kids they are able to lie about stuff, to hide stuff- I know they will do it. I understand I will not always have this super honest kid (which he is now, he is brutally honest) but is it too much to ask for just straight up honesty?

I was a super dishonest kid. I don't know why, I do not think you are born that way, I believe it is a learned behavior (in that case, maybe I do know why...) so I guess that is a little glimpse of why I am so adamant about raising my kids with morals, with the sheer knowledge that it is ALWAYS better to tell the truth or at least really show them how important it is for that relationship.

And that brings me to another thing about lying. Is it ever okay? Is the thought "a little lie can't hurt" really true?

Case and point.

Eddie (here we go again) was pulled over for speeding last year and the cop wrote him a ticket and then asked "were you on your cell phone while driving?" and Eddie said "nope".

Q was in the backseat.

What does it mean when

someone says "You're so skinny. What, no time to eat anymore?"

Is that what I think it is? A German compliment? Which in English means and insult?

Anyway, there's that.

My head is still stuffy and I feel like a smaller piece of ass pie today, but ass pie nonetheless. 

Catchin' up.

So I was talking to friend of mine today. We haven't talked in many years, like 6 or 7.

Anyway the whole conversation revolved around them, what they have been doing, what's going on in their world, etc. I asked questions about spouses, old friends... things like that. 

We are about to part our ways and they say "It was nice catching up with you"...

I'm pretty sure not one piece of that conversation was about me and I don't get it. They should have said "thanks for listening to me blab about myself".

There is a such thing as too much cheese.

I'm just sayin'.

Sleep walking and strange talking.

So I'm laying bed watching Chelsea Lately last night (it's how I get my news) and all of the sudden I hear Elwood, one of our two cats, scramble up the stairs (which isn't entirely abnormal, we call it the "Daly 500") but then there's the creaking of the stairs. I look at my bed and there's Jake, the other cat, so I'm thinking "HOLY SHIT!". I got really freaked out which I isn't really my nature but I reach for my phone to call, who? Ghostbusters? I don't know, maybe 911? Then I flip on the light and there's Q, standing there in his underwear, looking at me, with a dazed sort of stare.

I'm like "DUDE, you scared the crap out of me, what's up?" and he says "oh nothing" and walks past me and sits on the end of my bed, I'm like.... um, ok. He says "I just have these stitches all over my pants" and I said "Honey, you're not wearing any pants". He looks at me confused, so I ask him if needs anything, if he's had a bad dream, and he says no, so I tell him to go back to bed and he just gets up and walks back downstairs, climbs up his ladder (loft bed) and that's all. I say "did you have something to tell me?" and he says "ya", I say "what?" and he says "I don't know".

This morning he sits at the kitchen table for breakfast and says "I had the craziest dream"....

My sister rules.

She is sending me a z pack, overnight. 

I'm still down with the oil though.

Oil pulling?

Ever heard of it?

Well I am desperate for a cure for what ails me and I, of course, can't get into see the doctor until Thursday. Which by that time I will not be in the same excruciating pain I am in now (oh please say it isn't so), so I am left to my own devices... or rather my device. Google. 

Aka "my best friend".

I am no hippie but I come from a long line of them. I'll admit, I do have hippie in my blood- ok, so I'm part hippie. The part that likes the earth and all of it's glory, except most of the people and I shower... well I used to. I try to. Let's say that.

So back to me. Um, the sick me.

There were a lot of things you could mix together and blast up your nose. Vinegar and salt water, rosemary oil, etc. The nose tea pot thingy, I've seen that but I was trying not to have to leave the house. Today was rainy and I am feeling like a giant piece of ass-pie.

I'm reading all these sites, too many to even count. It is ridiculous, some of the remedies are foolish and I'll never get back the hour or so I spent on reading them. But then there was the one about oil pulling. The name sounded a little dirty so I had to read about it. Come to find out, it isn't dirty at all.

http://www.earthclinic.com/Remedies/oil_pulling.html

You basically swish oil in your mouth and it collects all the bacteria and you spit it out. There are theories on the oil seeping into your body, in turn giving you the benefits that oil can give you. It's good. It's strange and I like it.

Kid food

I don't get it. 

Why are people obsessed with hiding healthy food?

I never have understood it. The "Sneaky Chef"... why?

I think all kids go through their fazes. Q spent about 6 months eating nothing but beige food- it was odd but he's a kid. What isn't odd about them? I fed him what we were eating and everyday he'd pick out all the beige items, which eventually got to be fewer and fewer on the plate and then he decided the jig was up when, I'm guessing, he got hungry.

We were never into making him his own food, when he had moved off the pureed stuff, he got a plate of what we were having. There were no quesadillas (unless we were having them) made on the side, we didn't open a can of spaghetti O's or nuke dino-nuggets. I mean. Why? What would the message be? They say kids learn by imitation, so how would be he imitate good behavior (eating or otherwise) if I had him do differently? I'm guessing he wouldn't.

I'm not saying this means if you do have kid food your kids will grow up to eat crappy (but they might) and if sneaking vegetables into your pasta sauce makes you feel better- go ahead.

I'd like my kids to grow up knowing what a vegetable looks like. And sure maybe there is something in kids that makes them really not like certain things and I would never force any food on anyone. My husband will not eat mushrooms... it kills me, but he just won't. But what's wrong with growing some herbs and maybe a carrot? Take them to the farmers market or the produce section of the market and let them pick out the fruit and veg?Let them eat food that looks like something. Sure maybe the can of ravioli has a "full serving of vegetables" but if the kids can't see them, if they never know what they look like, how will they ever choose to eat them? And besides that- canned vegetables? I'm doubtful that there's much left after that process. 

I'm worried about nutritional growth sure but more so the health of my kids for the years to come. We are hearing more now than ever that healthy eating is proven to fight disease- cancer, diabetes, etc... why not arm your kids with that information? Why not tell them why the food they put into their mouth is important not only for growth but for longevity?

I do. I have the conversation with my 9 year old, he knows that we makes choices about what he eats and eating well everyday is important not just for today but for years to come... he wants to get old, he wants to be healthy. He's a kid so he'd of course rather eat marshmallow and chocolate but he's aware the importance of feeding your body what it needs everyday and enjoying the things it doesn't need in moderation. It's simple really.